My state of mind this morning:
I’m pretty sure that at least 94 other people in my class are smarter than me, have more experience, and are way less scared. What if I learn all this and then get out there and…forget it? What if a patient walks up to the counter, asks me (the intern) a question about their Fioricet (butalbital! acetominophen! Caffeine! It’s a barbiturate for tension headaches!), and I just draw a blank? What if I can’t get enough IPPE hours this semester or what if (God forbid) I make a mistake?! What if I fail the Top 200 final and get held back? What if I can’t calculate how much solution will make a 1:2500 prescription?
and then… this enters my mind. I’ve been reading it this week. Take a look.
Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, “You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing.”
3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]
4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.[my uncertainty]
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
11 You have made [e] known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Oh. (Pause). Alright then. I’m off to study, to memorize. To prepare for Patient Assesment tomorrow. We’re learning how to take vital signs, which means that I get to squeeze a blood pressure cuff around someone’s arm and listen to their heart beat with my stethoscope (I have a stethoscope!).
I will not be shaken [because He is at my right hand]
I will rejoice and be glad [because He is my hope]
I will set Him always before me [because HE loves me and covers my faults]
I will take blood pressures and listen to heart beats and do my pharmacy calculations homework
[because that is where He has put me right now]