still snowing

we’re reaching for March over here, hoping that the change on the calendar will bring more sunshine and brightness. Yet there is still a reluctance to let go of the gently falling snow that always perfects the landscape. I was talking with Mrs. Marsten yesterday at Madison’s baby shower (!) and mentioned something about being glad that the snow would leave soon. She made a wonderful point, though, saying ” although, dear, the snow does a lovely job of amplifying the weak light this time of year, making things a bit less gloomy”. I felt chastised over my impatience to see the seasons change, because hadn’t I wished for that very snow to up its game a couple months ago? So I shall enjoy this snow – observing the delicacy with which it falls in the watery February light. 

It feels like it’s still snowing in my work/professional world as well. I keep waiting for that magical day where I feel on top of things and ready to take on each day. Some days, I think that feeling has come. And then I fail at something. Learning is a constant..I do keep failing and bumbling, but if I’m not I suppose that means that I’m stagnant and not moving forward. 

Seeing all my dear friends in Pullman yesterday was great – but there is also a note of sadness and grieving at the ways in which things are different, the ways that I am different. I don’t know if I could go back to that community and be totally content, or even fit in anymore. I can pick up a conversation with any of my best girlfriends, but we haven’t lived life together in so long. I remember warm summer nights in Pullman, stargazing from the domed water tower with the ‘No Trespassing’ signs so clearly stamped on the walls. Waiting for all the cars to pass before clambering up on top. You’d think if they didn’t want people to trespass they would have made it more difficult to climb. Barbecues and picnics and nights full of piano and violin. Bonfires and running with Sharon and so many laughs. Sprinting out to my hiding place out in the country, with a giant rock where I could sit and watch the sun set with the deer roaming around, munching on dry grass. 

Liam. Pullman reminds me of Liam. From the church to Fran’s kitchen to the high hills and sunsets. All those music filled nights with scores of friends. 

Praying for joy in the midst of the snow – and finding joy in the many small, good things right now. I’m loved deeply by an incredible boyfriend – he is selfless and kind and hears me when I speak.Our one-year anniversary is at the beginning of May! I’m graduating in May as well – and by March 21st I’ll see the results of the residency match. Seattle, Spokane, or Couer d’ Alene. Or job hunting around the state…whatever happens I’m excited! My prayer for the day is that God would let me enjoy the snow, in every sense of the word. 

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